Interview with a Mugu in Paris

Every now and then, you see a media story about a gullible white woman or man who falls for one of these Nigerian scam emails. You wonder how people can be so stupid to fall for the emails. What you don't expect to happen to you is meet a live Mugu at Paris Charles De Gaulle on her way to Lagos to wed her scammer. My people, that was when I realised that there are PEOPLE in this world.

While sitting on an airfrance flight which had been delayed by close to 6 hrs (story for another day), I found myself talking to the oyinbo lady sitting in front of me.

Me: Hello, where are you heading to ( plane stops at Lagos and heads to port Harcourt.

Oyinbo: I'm going to Lagos to get married to my fiance

At this point, I'm still thinking okay, nothing unusual, internet love dey happen in this our 21st century. I asked a few more questions about America where she's from before I asked the one that my gbeborun mind has been gagging to ask....

Me: So how did you meet you fiance?

(people, please hold on to your seat belts oh)

Oyinbo: well, you see.....I won the lottery. I won $800,000 and my fiance was the one who contacted me about the money. He's been helping me over the past year to get my money out of Nigeria and we fell in love. So, I'm going to Nigeria to get my money and get married

Jesus wept! And I was instantly weak. Oyinbo mugu had paid $8000 already and she hasn't seen one cent back. $8000 in processing fees and to open an account where the money would be paid into. She showed me the card which allegedly comes with the account and people, no such bank exists in Nigeria. Even the card looked dodgy.

At this point, I looked at this middle aged excited naive white woman who was already halfway across the world on her way to getting fleeced in unforgiving Lagos. I didn't even know where to start so, I told her about the whole Naija scam scene. How its common knowledge that there is mo money waiting for people who fall into this trap. Oyinbo woman was quite adamant that this was legit. There was nothing I could have said to move this mountain. So, I gave her my number and we also exchanged emails.

What really tripped me about this story is how strong the woman was in her conviction that she was on her way to claiming $800, 000 even though she didn't play the lottery. In a country where white people are being kidnapped left right and center. With Boko haram also operating with impunity. She jets off to Nigeria still where she plans to marry a man she never met, doesn't know a soul other than the said fiance and claim money she never did a thing to win. The woman has some serious liver if you ask me. I did a silent prayer for her and told her to email me when she's back in the USA.

Not only has one Naija scammer scored, it looks like green card is also assured. God save my country!

The inner voice that is rarely ever wrong

I have come to learn that I have this little voice in my head. It is a hard thing to define. I am not talking the schizophrenic type of voices that are talking to you when there is no one else in the room. I am talking about that little voice which is a combination of upbringing, one’s values in life, one’s conscience and experiences. It’s the red light that goes off in your head when your heart is double beating and doing back flips.

I remember being a young girl growing up in a girl’s only boarding school and living on the ideal romantic notions of Mills and Boon novels. I knew exactly how my romantic dreams would be. One day, my price charming would “find” me and he would sweep me off my feet and then we would live happily ever after. Sounds very romantic shey? Well, one thing mills and boon did not remember to mention is how many frogs and crocodiles I would have to kiss before finding my prince charming. I have certainly met my fair share of frogs, crocs and olocious fellows. With each one of them, I learn a bit more about this road to happily ever after bliss.

The latest misdirection was a 32 year old weed smoker with quite a colorful history (Mr Long Legz). Mr Long Legz had all my alarm bells going off at first but I did not listen to that tiny voice at the back of my head. Guy was good looking, apparently single but as I came to find out… also emotionally unavailable. He was blowing hot and cold simultaneously like a mobile heating/cooling device. I thought I would watch and observe. A few more weeks of getting to know Mr Long Legz had me seeing all sorts of revelations. It is a good thing not to rush into anything with a guy. If a girl/guy truly likes a guy, it is not difficult to tell because at least both parties will treat themselves with respect and not disrespect the intelligence of the other (I consider things like mind games disrespecting another’s intelligence).

Ohh.. and another lesson learnt, if you meet a man who smokes, has smoked for a considerable number of years, and he tells you that he is giving up, or about to give up, or tells you he is smoking his last cigarette because you are saying you don’t date guys who smoke. LIE. Trust me, he is smoking those cigarettes where your beady little eyes can’t see him. If a grown ass man did not think he would quit smoking before he met you, what makes you think you are so special that he will give up the tobacco sticks.. just saying

Always listen to the inner voice... it is rarely wrong.

Dating the Naija way

My people, to be a single hard working Naija girl at the age of 26 (fast approaching 27) is not an easy business oh. You get your mates who got married at 22 with 3 kids asking when they are coming to eat your “wedding rice” – as if they don’t know how to cook rice in their own house. Then there are the ones who are telling you not to do too much “shakara” for potential suitors – Who says I am doing “shakara”? Just because I am single at 26 does not mean I will shack up with just any “olocious” fellow. Those are the girls. Where do I start with the suitors? There are the ones who meet you and after 2 weeks are professing love and marriage (as if!) I don’t get why Naija guys do that ish!. You also get to meet the ones who just want to “have a good time” Boy oh boy does a young girl tread through serious minefield of never-ending issues.
I was in church last Sunday and Pastor preached one very stimulating sermon. “ it is better to wait 10 – 15 years for your life partner than to hook up with someone who is not for you now… you will regret it” I truly believe that pastor was talking to me.

So there was the recent bobo I met. Only calls like once in 2/3 days. He has asked me to be his “girl” but something just doesn’t feel right. As in, bobo is saying he is interested but actions show otherwise. I am the type of girl who loves attention, I love to talk about my day, I love to be free with my inner emotions and be chased about with telephone calls and text messages and also call up my boo anytime I like but it must be with the right guy. Emphasis on the RIGHT GUY. And this is the problem with Naija boy/girl relations. The games that people play for each other in the name of “fronting”. My word.. then there are also the guys who are afraid of confident successful females. Abeg, if a guy does not feel confident enough to step up to me, I don’t even want to hear it. I am not interested. This is a definite attraction killer for me. I cannot apologize for who I am today and how far I have come. It did not happen overnight. If only I could tell my story in a book, I would write a million pages!

So with this said, I am honestly getting sick and tired of Naija boy drama and all the protocols. What ever happened to boy meets girl, boy likes girl and girl likes boy, they date, enjoy themselves, move things to the next level and everyone lives happily ever after? ( in my dreams shey??) Lol!

Well, I am making a pact with myself. I find love where I find love. I end up living my life for me and no one else. All these fake naija boys can go hug transformer for all I care

(apologies to my correct male readers! Of course you know that wasn’t for you!!)

Tolantion

Sixth Sense and more

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were about to do something that didn't just feel quite right? You couldn't really put your finger on what was amiss but you just had that overwhelming feeling you were about to make a giga mistake.

After my recent man issue, I thank God for sixth sense oh! As in, Tolantino was just about to hug fire. I have learnt now more than ever to listen to that little voice inside my head that switches on when I feel the slightest doubt in my dealings with people.

I have been stressed for the past couple of months with work. Girl has been working towards a project that would lead to a major milestone at work and tomorrow is the D-DAY. I feel confident enough. I just need to get my beauty sleep now. Maybe one day I will tell my story.... but for now, its snooze time. Bon nuit....

Technology

I'm trying my best to not be infuriated by technology. Succumbing to this would mean risking being left behind in this unrelenting race of keeping up with the latest gadgets and apps. For well over a year now, I've been riding the blackberry band wagon. Blackberry was good at first. But the rather frequent crashes were not so hot. Very annoying to say the least. Now, I'm spotting a HTC phone. It's touch screen and all. I remember holding this phone the first day and thinking what the hell am I going to do with it. A few weeks on and things are already looking bright. I will survive with the phone afterall. One cool thing which I have found is the Blogger app.....were! It means I have my blog on mobile. I always seem to have so many thought that fly away before I get the chance to put fingers to keypad. I'll have to see how this one turns out!

One woman and her hair journey

Over the past few years, I have always been at odds with the tub of hair straightening relaxers which we black women so frighteningly turn to on a regular basis. Why is it that we are so convinced of the fact that the natural follicles growing out of our head is not good for us?? At what point in our history did someone make the decision that the black person’s hair is bad??

Think about it for a hot second.. The Caucasians, the Asians, all races have features that set them apart. God has created each race with distinct features which are unique to them. Why would God (forget God for a second here).. why would nature even, have caused us to evolve with hair that is not good?? As far as I am concerned, we black women have undergone decades of mis- education, mis-information and ignorance about what is actually good for us. Over the generations, instead of learning how best to grow and nurture our naturally different hair, we have allowed convention to teach us to pour harsh and damaging chemicals into our hair. I cannot begin to recount the number of black women whom I have seen with receding hairline all the way around the hair line (and they are only still in their twenties!). It’s unbelievable.

I am not saying that I have never turned to a tub of relaxer in the past. As a matter of fact, I remember pulling out all the stops to get my first relaxer at the age of 13. I was convinced that my life would be much better only if my hair was bone straight. I would only look beautiful when all my afro curls magically disappeared with the administration of Venus relaxer product. I would be as beautiful as the women on the adverts. Guess what?? Applying relaxers was only the beginning of my confusion. I never really noticed my hair grow. Every time I washed my hair (maybe every 6 weeks.. imagine the stink!) I would lose clumps of hair. There was never any indication that my hair was growing at all. I was convinced that we black people were just cursed with our afro hair. I was convinced of this until a few years ago when I started to find information on the internet. I found a wealth of information on African American women who were starting to discover how to manage and nurture their own natural hair. Now, I am not talking about a bunch of religiously obsessed mixed race women who only want to have natural products on their heads and are blessed with good genes. I am talking about well educated BLACK professionals and youths who wanted to challenge the status quo which dictates that every black woman should have fake hair like Beyonce.

In the winter of 2005, I became angry enough with my relaxed hair that I decided to just cut it off. I wasn’t thinking clearly about my plan of action. I just knew that I wanted to take my relaxed hair off my head so I did a butchers job of it. Lol. This is quite funny because at the time, I just grew my hair and kept it natural. I was not aware of how to maintain it. I did not have any agenda on how I intended to nurture my hair. Also, I faced a lot of pressure from friends and family on my decision. Every time I went back to Nigeria, friends and family would comment on how nuts I was. In December of 2009, I lost track of my purpose and I ended up relaxing my hair. The minute I did this, I knew it was the wrong decision for me. I would spend the next 18 months grieving for my natural hair. But I knew that I was not ready for it. I was not armed with the information which I needed to ensure that my natural journey was successful.

********sorry for the low resolution pictures from 2005 - 2006***************

In October 2010, I was again angry with the relaxer and I chopped off my hair… again. Lol! Yes.. I did.. I chopped it off. This time around, I felt like I was in a better place to handle my natural hair compared to 2005. Now I had the courage to style my natural hair and go to work while back in 2005 I would never do this ( what is the point in keeping natural hair if you are not going to wear it out right??)

A few months down the line, I am doing well with my natural hair. I have learnt to condition and pamper my hair. I have learnt that an

yone who says a black woman does not need to wash her hair every week is a liar. I have learn protective styles for my natural hair and I have most importantly learnt how to respond to people who tell me that my hair is “different”

My hair is 100% kinky and I am

from Oke-Odo in Ibadan, Nigeria.. there is no racial mixing history in my family which my hair could have benefited from. I believe that every black woman can do this but I am not advocating to convince every black woman to go the same route as me. I am just simply sharing my experience.

2011

I hope you can see the differences in how my hair looked back in 2005 when I sponteanously went natural without being fully prepared and in 2011 when I was actually taking proper care of my hair. The 2011 pictures are less than a years worth of growth and I have since trimmed the ends to ensure the relaxed bits were totally taken off.

It is my hope that as my hair continues to grow, I can share with blogsville my experience and hopefully one day encourage someone to go “NATCHIE”

27th Feb 2011

For well over a year now, I have stayed away from my blog. I have not been in a place where I felt like sharing anything speak less of opening my heart out to blogsville.

I have noticed that a huge number of folks are no longer blogging. Maybe they have moved on. I have also noted that a huge number of bloggers are still in here doing their thing. This is really good. That is some commitment.

It is very interesting how the UK seems to sap the life out of you. Something about this country just aint right. My present local government area is not even making things any better. The past year has been one thing after the other. Frigging anti immigration sentiments is running deep. The UKBA is formulating tight policies to keep non-eu immigrants out of the country. A few of my friends have fallen in the process and it just doesn’t feel right.

Another thing on my mind is the question of relationships. Is it possible to actually make a long distance relationship work?? Ie Lagos vs. London. I have always managed to steer clear of this but recent happenings have brought these thoughts to the forefront of my mind.

Another thing is that I am working too hard. (At least I am getting the recognition for it which is the only solace here) Work in the UK is just that.. WORK.. catch flu.. work some more.. catch some more flu.. go on holiday and repeat the cycle.. Highly disturbing I tell you. It will be nice to get another assignment abroad and just step away from the UK for a bit. Lol.

A recent story in the news is of a certain 20yrs old naija-british girl called “Claudia” Claudia was a very pretty student based in London and she seemed to have it all..everything except a big ass.. ie Nikky Minaj type ass. Claudia had the ambition of being the ultimate hip hop honey and shaking it in hip hop videos but her lack of booty made her career prospects a bit bleak. So, Claudia turned to the internet to find a place where she could acquire some extra booty. A few months later, Claudia checked into a budget hotel in the US where she was administered a fatal injection of industrial grade silicone into her ass. 12 hours later she had some severe chest pains and she died of cardiac arrest at the hospital.

What really strikes me is the desperation people seem to face when they think a certain part of their bodies does not conform. Why did Claudia have to think her life could never be complete without a big ass? How could she have let anyone stick a big needle in her and inject her with crap that was so lethal? My big fear now of plastic cosmetics procedures is the desperation of people and how they would sign up for quacks in order to get cheap deals.

I would not be surprised if the next story I read would be that of some fat person who was so frustrated with being fat that they resorted to performing a homemade liposuction procedure using a dyson power ball hoover!

Stay bless you all!