It was a last minute thing. We planned to go bowling at the Lulu mall on Wednesday with the guys from class. After this, we would then go to the Jazz bar at the Hilton hotel. As me I like to groove, I was one of the first people to sign up. The bowling was really nice. I even managed to beat some of the guys.
Fast forward to the Jazz bar. I got there and Mas R, Bros A, Oyinbo Alaye, chairman and Akata were already there. See these boys living large. They were dressed up pimping hot and were all puffing on cigars. I could tell that these boys were already high on alcohol. The live music was great. The performers were belting out nice lyrics from Jazz icons (am not really into Jazz so I couldn’t place the names). As soon as I found a seat with the guys, a tall glass of cosmopolitan and a glass of champagne was practically sitting in my lap courtesy of Bros A and Oyinbo Akata. I hadn’t even finished the first glass when Bros A blessed me with another glass of something full of alcohol. Never one to turn down a freebie, I gladly accepted. So I sat there, inhaling chairman’s cigar puffs, listening to great jazz and like 4 half empty glasses and two untouched glasses of something. I quickly remembered Olu Maintain’s Yahooze and I just smile to myself. This was definitely a very good feeling. Chairman was making some very very funny jokes. We were gossiping about the two old white ladies at the bar who are blatantly flirting with the Jazz singer. See this old mama twiddling her fingers in her hair and playing with her earrings and stuff.. it was too funny. I don’t know if I mentioned that I love chatting with chairman. We are so different but yet, we get on so easily ( I see the beginning of yet another meaningless crush). Fast forward another two hours, Miss E (one of the girls in my class) and a bunch of guys were ready to retire for the night. They asked if I wanted to share a taxi and I refused, I was having too much fun with chairman and the cool gang. I didn’t even know when they left.
After like two quick trips to the loo, I was already there o!. Lol. I mean, I knew I was intoxicated but in a very responsible manner. Akata was totally drunk. This is one guy that is always so quite in class but man he was chatting to me like we was family friends! His accent even became stronger than ever. I was laughing so hard, I swear I was gonna have muscle pull in my cheeks J
Anyways I was saying that yours truly was on a high and I was so loving it. Jazzman starts playing a very nice number and Bros A and I decided to bust some moves. It was fun sha and I was looking so fly in my newly acquired Police frames.Ok.. enough of all these effizzy. I didn’t even notice that the bar was almost empty until I overheard the guys chatting about two girls (nastily clad) sitting at the bar. Chairman felt an earthquake when one of them winked at him. Never one to let an opportunity slip past, he stepped up to this babe and started chatting to her (I see my meaningless crush coming to an untimely end). He later told me that the babe was asking if his “Girlfriend” won’t get mad that he was talking to her. By “girlfriend” the foolish Akuna-kuna was referring to me. As if to say I wouldn’t have gone to poke out the bitch’s eyes if I was with Chairman. Anyway, he got the beeyatch’s number. I can guarantee you he won’t be calling that skanky Puta (where is all this venom coming from..lol). I got a taxi back to the hotel with Bros A, Oyinbo Alaye and Chairman. I was so fagged out. I was about to pass out when I saw that Oyibo was starting to do some funny things in the car (like grabbing the driver’s radio and talking gibberish) it was so obvious that we were drunk. This was when it occurred to me that it is an offence to be openly drunk in this country. I started to fear. Abi this driver was going to show us pepper by calling the police ni? Me I don’t want to sleep in Jail here o. I hear that the last thing you want is to be imprisoned in the UAE. Enough human rights abuse. We got to the hotel only for me to find out that Oyibo was still clutching a glass of champagne. This guy will not implicate me o. I sha managed to sleep around 2am.
Friday Morning: I usually set my alarm for 6am (it used to be 5am). I’d been pressing the snooze for the past 20 mins and I didn’t even know when I pressed stop. I sha know that I was very comfortable until I opened my eyes. First thing I did was to grab my clock. May the Lord have mercy! 7am. Doesn’t the last bus for work leave at 7am. I quickly brushed my teeth and did one very assorted ‘rub n shine’ When I got down to the ground floor, I’d of course missed the last bus and I was now on my own. The receptionist was kind enough to call me a taxi.
Taxi driver arrived and I told him I was going to Al Shamkah. The guy was asking me if I know how to get there. Shuow! Is that not his job? Me I don’t know anything o! The guy called someone and spoke some Arabic and he said not to worry cos he now knows the way(you berra!). So I relaxed and he started driving.. I quickly put on my sun glasses since I just realized at this point that my head was about to split into half. The driver then started a very interesting conversation that went like this:
Driver: Where are you from?
Driver: You know Amokachi, JJ Okocha, Kanu, e.t.c
Me: Yeah of course..
Driver: I knew you were from Africa when I saw you.. we are both from Africa!
Me: really, you from Algeria, Tunisia, Morocco, or Egypt
Me: I have a lot of Egyptian friends.. ( I went on to tell him how much I’ve heard about Egypt)
Driver: You should come visit. I hope I will be in Egypt when you are there
I’m already thinking at this point that the guy was hitting on me. I also realized that I was seeing some scenery I’d never come across on the way to work. This guy don lost me o! I softly removed my sunglasses and put on my brand new power glasses so that I could survey the situation. So the guy started again:
Driver: You should never wear your sunglasses again
Me: why do you say so?
Driver: You have very beautiful eyes I tell you.
All this while driving? No wonder we got lost. We were circling for about 30 mins and the meter was still running. We called my work place and tried to get directions to no avail. So we sha pulled up. The driver flagged down some Emirati guy driving this very balm Lexus (By the way, Emirati’s are the REAL citizens of this country. They constitute like 10% of the population). The way the Emirati guy greeted the driver with a big handshake, it was like they were long lost family friends. I found this very warming. Once I mentioned the name of my company and showed him my ID card, the first thing he said was PETROL for ADNOC? ADNOC is like the National oil company here. So this nice man first tried to show off with locating the directions on his GPS but when this didn’t work, he jumped in his car and drove us to the site. Seeing such generosity from an Arab was absolutely amazing. I sha managed to walk into class like 1hr after the class had started. See everyone laughing as I walked in. Even the cool gang who were balling with me managed to make it on the bus and in time too. I am so liverless but I had so much fun. I had this headache for two good hours before I started to settle into my own skin. It was one long day.